On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
