Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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