you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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