I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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