accomplished twins. life is a go
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dicks are not precious.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
