You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
