I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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