just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
