yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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