If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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