no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
