there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This show inspires me to have sex in space
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
