That's when you crack a 10am beer
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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