ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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