But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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