a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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