I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
