If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
