I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
