I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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