Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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