I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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