Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
