Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
