yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize