Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
