i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
