That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize