is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
