Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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