at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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