umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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