you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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