Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
