so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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