I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
