I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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