Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize