My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
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I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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