when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
