i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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