As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
