oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
