You're so nebulous sometimes
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
