I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
