wrigley field is MILF paradise
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
