Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
