At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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