i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize