I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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