And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize