Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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