lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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