I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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