You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
