it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
