I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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