My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
