Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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