I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
