we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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