Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
