Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
