"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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