i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He shit in the fireplace
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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