You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
