The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
