I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
