Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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