haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
