just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Found the puke drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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