The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
