Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
