You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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